You Know You’re A Hauntaholic When…

This is a very old list – but still holds true.

  • You’re pestered all year by kids who want to know what the theme for THIS year is.
  • You find yourself thinking that one corpse is more attractive than another.
  • You get more excited over a fog machine than a dirty movie.
  • You have more help at your haunt than necessary for an old-fashioned barn raising.
  • You have more than ten sound effect CD’s.
  • You have names for the skeletons in your closet.
  • You play spooky music all year round.
  • You spend more on one Halloween than on your spouse’s anniversary.
  • You spend more on one Halloween than on your entire wedding.
  • You spend more on one Halloween than on your spouse for the entire history of your marriage.
  • You try to make your dog look like a hellhound every Halloween.
  • Your neighbors avert their eyes and avoid you a full month before Halloween.
  • Your shed, basement, and attic contain nothing but Halloween props.
  • The only candelabra you own is in a spider web motif.
  • There is a monster under your bed, because your attic/basement/shed are full.
  • Your electric bill higher in October than in December.
  • The family dog ignores masked individuals breaking into your house.
  • You see haunt possibilities with every road kill you cause…I mean, see.
  • Instead of giving your child a cat or dog did you give them a gargoyle to play with.
  • When your neighbors are asked about Halloween, they roll their eyes and point at your house.
  • The guy at the paint counter at the hardware store sees you coming, and starts stacking gallon cans of flat black on the counter.
  • You go to “Goth Night” at a local club armed with a pocketful of “volunteer recruitment” flyers.
  • You can’t watch a horror movie without jotting down ideas every two minutes.
  • You’re nervous about taking rolls of film in to be developed, for fear the police might show up at your house looking for the corpses that the developer clued them in to. 
  • You have a room in your house reserved for special props/projects, and won’t allow anyone in there because it’ll “spoil the Halloween surprise!”
  • You scare other family members or neighbors on a regular basis, often without meaning to.
  • Your ideal pet would be a black cat, a tarantula, a snake, a bat, or a rat.
  • People refuse to walk into your house at night.
  • People refuse to walk into your house in broad daylight.
  • You have a customized license plate that has something to do with Halloween.
  • You start setting up your yard haunt in August…
  • You still aren’t finished on Halloween, but it’ll do… gotta start earlier next year…
  • You cannot throw ANYTHING away that could even CONCEIVABLY be used to scare someone…even if you don’t know how yet.
  • You judge homes by how well a haunt could be set up in them.
  • The boys in the white coats are afraid to come in your yard.
  • Your children turn their bedroom into a giant spider web, by stringing yarn everywhere and pretend to attack when you get tangled in it.
  • Your 4 year old announces to the class that they want to be a Vampire when they grow up.
  • Your toddler’s first word is “REDRUM.” 
  • The kids hiss at each other and make claws with their hands when they fight.
  • It’s not uncommon to see “Barbie” hanging in a noose in your daughters room.
  • Your teenager wants their “own” coffin.
  • “Addams Family” books are the most commonly read children’s books laying around.
  • You still think your kids are well adjusted.

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